Why? Feeling Crazy

Why can't things just ever be ok? Why does everybody try their hardest to drag me down? Do they just like to pick up the pieces or what? Why do I always have to hurt? And why do I always feel guilty about being sick like its my choice?! Why can't I just be normal?

My kids are wonderful....unless I ask them to do something as horrible as pick up after their selves. All I wanted to do today was get the house presentable for company and the day went along with me doing almost everything myself, the kids pushing me to the limits and the night ending in tears...several times! And Ramsey's been the worst. I was excited about his birthday party, getting things together for it, decorating, having the party and its not even the day of the party and I'm about ready to give up. The kids wont help, my husband wont help and I'm at my wits end. Ramsey wouldn't listen all day and he has tried every nerve that I have trying to get him to go to bed. I couldn't wait till he went to bed so I could wrap presents and do stuff for the party tomorrow and now I just want to cry myself to sleep!

I wanted to write about our trip on Wedn., about what I got for Rams' bday & about my flares but I am to upset to so I guess maybe next time.

Think that I am going to make it!

I haven't wrote (or done much of anything) the last few days except feel like I was dying. I have been so sick! I think that I have had bronchitis and the flu. And no I didn't go to the doctor cuz lucky ole me always gets sick on the weekends and they can't really do anything anyway so the last thing I wanted to do was go out in the cold. I am still sick, my throat is still killing me and I am still having really painful coughing episodes and all the rest that goes into the flu but its not as bad as it was. The flu always makes you feel like you are dying anyway but I think this is the first time that I have been soooo sick since my fibro has been this bad and OMG it has been bad! The last few days have been a blur of pain and coughing. I'm suprised that I didn't overdose on meds, I mean I was trying to be careful but I was alternating three different things trying to get some relief and was still in so much pain. Well I am sure that you get the idea that I'm not feeling well but thought that I should stop in and write something. Night all.

My first real company is coming over tonight, yay.

I haven't wrote for a couple of days but not much has went on I don't think. I had my doc appointment a couple days ago and started my new meds today so I am crossing my fingers that these will work. He said if this one doesn't work then we might have to try treating a diff way, oh yippie *sarcasm* just what I need, more pills. I'm not taking as many pills right now as I have had to at other times but I have joked when taking meds in the morning that there was enough that I could consider them breakfast, lol. Speaking of medical stuff, I also made an appointment with the doctor that does the lapband surgery to see if I can get that ball rolling. I am so happy that my insurance will cover this. Lets just hope that there wont be any problems getting this going!

My exciting news is that I am having my first real visitor since we have lived here! I mean my mom stopped by but they didn't stay long enough to visit so this is officially my first visitor. Lol, i sound so silly. The lady that is coming over is a new friend that I made at playgroup and the kids are excited that there will be a kid coming over to play too! Wish me luck that things are fun tonight, take care and tty all later. :)

Frustrated with kids, actually won something

I haven't posted in a couple of days, I just haven't felt good, I have felt so drained! I am going to the doctor tomorrow to get one of my meds changed and am going to talk to him about a med for excessive daytime sleepiness so hopefully I'll be feeling a little better soon! Its funny, I started this blog to have an outlet, a place to talk about my illness and life but most of the time I feel so crappy that I don't want to post. I'm sitting here now rolling my eyes at myself, lol. Another reason I hadn't been posting is cuz I felt like no one was reading. I didn't necessarily start the blog to be read by others, I was doing it for myself but I guess it was kind of a lonely feeling that nobody was reading it, lol. But something cool happened today, my sis-n-law commented to me that she bookmarked my blog and has been reading, for some reason that made me feel good. Hi Karen!

I almost didn't post again tonight cuz the kids are driving me nuts (the two younger ones). Why do kids have to fight everything?!? A piece of advice - if you have a weakness then don't let your kids know about it if possible! Uugghh, my kids know that if I get stressed then I literally get physically sick and even more tired then usual and they use it against me. They will stress me out till I literally can't hardly move anymore, tell me they are so sorry and then go and do what they want. Tonight it is not wanting to go to sleep, I have been fighting them for two and a half hours, I have took them to bed, asked nicely, yelled, spanked, etc and they just keep getting up. I am at the point now that I hurt so bad and am so drained that I put them in the livingroom and turned on cartoons cuz I can't handle it anymore. At least now they are still and quiet. It makes me feel so weak and like a failure when we have these battles and basically I am the loser! Well enough on that subject.

On happier notes........ I actually won something in the One World One Heart event!! I can't believe that I actually won something, yay, I can't wait for it to get here in the mail. It is a 'bloom' banner which is cool cuz I am wanting spring to be here so bad! We have had days that felt like spring but we are still having snow too, yuck. Everyone Take Care & ttyl :)

Pay it forward

I know I've already done one post tonight but I was thinking about this and wanted to put it up when there is actually maybe reading my blog through the OWOH event. All these giveaways and beautiful blogs have made me feel so good and happy and charitable and can't wait till next year when I can join in too. So what I was thinking is that the outside world also needs our help and love. Being green isn't enough, we need to present our kindness and creativity everywhere and bring kindness back to this world instead of automatic prejudices and rudeness and I think one great way (other then a smile :) is to pay it forward which can be done in a lot of ways. For one there is freecycle groups in a lot of places now, if you haven't checked then you really should, you would be amazed at the things people give away and need, big and small. If you have an old table and chairs in your garage, you could make some family's day that doesn't have one by giving it away instead of it sitting gathering dust. Paying it forward could also be as simple as giving your smiles away. That is one thing I LOVE about our new town we just moved to, everywhere you go people smile at each other. Just that one little thing sometimes makes my day and makes me so glad we came here and are away from the gloomy town that we came from. Well as stated in my other post....I am rather tired and I think I'm rambling now so I'll go but if you have any stories of kindness that you have done or something that someone has done for you I would LOVE to hear them. Take care. :)

To tired!

I've missed my blog and writing in it even if I haven't gotten much done with it. I've just been so wore out and tired. We finally got the rest of our stuff moved from the old house this weekend, it was so exsausting. It is 3 and a half hours one way. In the last three days of moving stuff I was in a vehicle a minimum of 21 hours. Plus there was packing and loading and all that goes with moving. Its exsausting for a healthy person but for me about did me in. I tell you when I woke up this morning I wasn't sure I was completely alive. Hopefully I'll get to write more soon but I still haven't recovered and just can't do it. Laters.

Whats up?

Well hello to all of ya out in blog land. I had a busy day today and didn't seem to get much done, don't ya just love days like that? We got good news today though! Hubby has been having severe headaches for a couple months now (thats not the good news, lol) and he had a MRI done and we went for the results today and they were normal!! Such a relief. The headaches are awful but at least they aren't caused by a tumor or something! Had playgroup again today and it went good. Meeting more and more people so I'm not feeling so alone here anymore. I might actually see someone I know now going to the store or somewhere, lol. Its a weird thing I guess but when you come from a town where you know about everyone, it is really weird going out and knowing you won't run into anybody you know at all.

I think I am finally coming out of my fibro flare thank goodness, I had a ton of pain today but it was mostly normal stuff, not all the extra weird aches and stuff I've had this last week. Sorry not much interesting in this post.....but I don't think anybody is reading this anyway, lol. Night.

A little this, a little that

Well I am still having my fibro flare which sucks. I went to the doc yesterday almost hoping that the facial pain was something else so their would be a treatment but he says that it is just one of the weird things that happen with fibro. Yay for me huh, uughhh. Oh well, I'm used to it by now I guess.

So for other things. I have ran across a really wonderful event here on blogger called One World One Heart (OWOH for short). Here is a little about it and a link...... Hosted by Lisa at A Whimsical Bohemian, One World, One Heart has become a huge annual event - a cyber party of sorts, where bloggers and others from all over the world can visit with each other, share stories and comments, make connections and perhaps leave the party with a little goodie. It's a reminder of the basic goodness and generosity in this global blogging community (although you do not need to be a blogger to participate here!), and the chance to make new friends we might otherwise have never known. How cool is that?!
This is the main site here.
All the people that are participating are listed along the right side.

So I have been exploring theses sites and seeing all this wonderful talent and it has been making me miss my crafty side. I used to do crafty stuff all the time. I've never had just one specific hobby though, I do everything from paper crafts to bead crafts to woodworking and everything in between. I wish I had photos of all the cool stuff I've done but I only have a few photos of a few of my projects. I guess that I will have to remember to take pics from now on. This is my first ever lathe project (and prob my best, lol). It is a miniature vase. Um, ok, it ended up at the top, lol. That was the first pic that I uploaded, I guess I need to do a little more practicing to get it where I want it, lol.

Good day and then fibro flare!

The day started out good really, I had to get up kind of early but I felt alright. The two younger kids and I went to playgroup and it went really good. The kids had a blast and I made another friend. I'm new in this town, we just moved here a couple of months ago so thats why I am noting that I made a friend, lol. I know only one household of people here so the last couple of months have been lonely. Anyway so after that we came home and had lunch and then went to our WIC appointment and was still feeling ok. Well pick up my oldest son from school, came home and done a couple of things and started feeling a little down and tired so I layed down on the couch and watched hubby and kids playing video games and BOOM!

Its amazing how fast fibro can hit. I mean its always there but its amazing how fast it can take you completely down. Everything hurts! When I say 'everything' I mean 'everything'! Even my eyelids and eyebrows hurt. My skin hurts, my lungs hurt, its awful. And this isn't a joint type hurt, this is a flu type painful ache! I took strong pain meds and a few hours later an anti-inflammatory and it still hurts. I guess thats enough complaining for now cuz I am basically repeating myself, lol. Ok, one more thing, I am also jumpy tonight. Fibro messes with your nerves and reflexes too, its not all just pain. There are so many aspects that it is hard to explain....and even harder to live! But back to the jumpy, its so annoying. Even the lightest little touches make me jump like someone scared me, uughhh. I think I am going to go for the night. I know I need to get some info on here about fibro for people to see and help them understand but I am just not feeling well enough to mess with it. I hope anyone reading this is having a good night/day. Take care of yourselves :)

Watching my sweetie pie bowling and a bad phone call!

Ok so not the most inventive title but I've never been as inventive a writer as I wish I could be, lol. Right now I'm watching my daughter bowl on our Wii. Who would of guessed that the person in our house to beat is a 5yr old girl, hehehe. When we first got the Wii my son and his dad battled to see who was going to be king, they both boasted that they would be the best and the rest of us had no chance! Well it was actually a pretty close fight, both going back and forth on winning and then my little sweetie pie says "I wanna try", she stepped up and kicked their butt, he he he. With in a couple of days she made the Pro ranking. She is the only one in the house that has got that rank! Go baby girl!

Now on to angrier things!! Don't you hate it when multi-million dollar corporations try to suck every last penny out of ya?? We were with Alltel phone corporation for like 3yrs but when we moved we couldn't get service so we had no choice but to switch carriers even though we didn't want to. So anyway through certian circumstances (to long to explain) they agreed to let us out of our contract with out the $200 fee. Well on Nov. 14th they were supposed to shut both phones off. We find out a month later when they send us another bill that they only shut one phone off, ugghh. So I call and tell them that I am not paying all the fees they put on our bill (including the ones they said we didn't have to pay) because the phone was supposed to be shut off. They of course sent me from person to person and 45mins later when I finally had the right person and had everything set up to be canceled and the extra charges taken off, guess what happened? Yep you guessed it - I got cut off. Oh I was so mad and so annoyed that there was no way that I was calling back! But I thought hey they have all the info and was told to shut it all off so they will - right? Wrong?! I get another bill for even more money, ugghhh. Side note here, I had also had our checking account number taken off and they said that it was completely deleted and they wouldn't be able to acess it anymore. So today I get my bank statement and right there in print was the explanation of why I was overdrawn (and couldn't figure out). It was....yep - Alltel. Somehow through there money sucking powers had resurrected my permanently deleted account number and tryed to just Take the money. So I go through the whole phone process again, giving them a piece of my mind to be told this time that they have to do an investigation of all my allegations. So now I have to wait and see. Story unfortunately not over yet though. When I was done there she sent me to the guy to permanently shut off our service (again) and he says that it will be a $200 fee and I say no and go through it all again with him. He basically says that he doesn't care and that is the fee. He says that it isn't changeable or wavable. I remind him that that isn't true because they already waved the fee for the first phone and he says no actually the reason you didn't get a bill for it is because they took it out of your deposit . Uughhhh. So the one bit of generosity that I got from them was still a form of thievery because they took it from the deposit that I should of got back. I just love how the rich get by so easily from stealing from the poor!!

First blog, who knows, lol.

Well here we go, I feel like I'm back in school and have a report due and not sure what to write, lol. I hope that who ever reads this doesn't mind seeing lol alot cuz I laugh alot, probably even in times that I shouldn't, :) lol. Anyway, a little about me.... I am a very lighthearted layed back person. I'm a happy person that uses laughter and humor to get through life's crap....and lots of naps he he he. I'm a forgiving person, even when people don't deserve it alot of the time, and don't hold grudges. I love people, even though people seem to have mixed feelings about me. I don't know what it is, if I talk to much or what??? Or if people just don't know how to handle a genuine nice and honest person anymore, it seems harder and harder to find anymore!! I guess it has worked out though, my best friends are wonderful people and not only friends but my family!! As far as blood family goes...I won't go there, at least not at this moment, I'd be here forever, lol. I'll just say that I don't have much of a blood family. I do have pretty wonderful In-laws though :) And those In-laws come from my Wonderful hubby Kevin!! We have been married 9yrs and have three handsome/cute kids ages 8, 5, & almost 3.

Well that was some of the good stuff in my life. The number one bad thing in my life is my chronic illness, fibromyalgia. Fibro has tried to steal my whole quality of life and has almost won a couple of times but luckily it hasn't broke my spirit yet. Fibro will probably be the main focus on most of my posts cuz it affects every aspect of my life and is my greatest struggle and the thing I need to vent about the most! Tonight I am just getting this started and exploring the site though so bye for tonight.