Why? Feeling Crazy

Why can't things just ever be ok? Why does everybody try their hardest to drag me down? Do they just like to pick up the pieces or what? Why do I always have to hurt? And why do I always feel guilty about being sick like its my choice?! Why can't I just be normal?

My kids are wonderful....unless I ask them to do something as horrible as pick up after their selves. All I wanted to do today was get the house presentable for company and the day went along with me doing almost everything myself, the kids pushing me to the limits and the night ending in tears...several times! And Ramsey's been the worst. I was excited about his birthday party, getting things together for it, decorating, having the party and its not even the day of the party and I'm about ready to give up. The kids wont help, my husband wont help and I'm at my wits end. Ramsey wouldn't listen all day and he has tried every nerve that I have trying to get him to go to bed. I couldn't wait till he went to bed so I could wrap presents and do stuff for the party tomorrow and now I just want to cry myself to sleep!

I wanted to write about our trip on Wedn., about what I got for Rams' bday & about my flares but I am to upset to so I guess maybe next time.

Think that I am going to make it!

I haven't wrote (or done much of anything) the last few days except feel like I was dying. I have been so sick! I think that I have had bronchitis and the flu. And no I didn't go to the doctor cuz lucky ole me always gets sick on the weekends and they can't really do anything anyway so the last thing I wanted to do was go out in the cold. I am still sick, my throat is still killing me and I am still having really painful coughing episodes and all the rest that goes into the flu but its not as bad as it was. The flu always makes you feel like you are dying anyway but I think this is the first time that I have been soooo sick since my fibro has been this bad and OMG it has been bad! The last few days have been a blur of pain and coughing. I'm suprised that I didn't overdose on meds, I mean I was trying to be careful but I was alternating three different things trying to get some relief and was still in so much pain. Well I am sure that you get the idea that I'm not feeling well but thought that I should stop in and write something. Night all.

My first real company is coming over tonight, yay.

I haven't wrote for a couple of days but not much has went on I don't think. I had my doc appointment a couple days ago and started my new meds today so I am crossing my fingers that these will work. He said if this one doesn't work then we might have to try treating a diff way, oh yippie *sarcasm* just what I need, more pills. I'm not taking as many pills right now as I have had to at other times but I have joked when taking meds in the morning that there was enough that I could consider them breakfast, lol. Speaking of medical stuff, I also made an appointment with the doctor that does the lapband surgery to see if I can get that ball rolling. I am so happy that my insurance will cover this. Lets just hope that there wont be any problems getting this going!

My exciting news is that I am having my first real visitor since we have lived here! I mean my mom stopped by but they didn't stay long enough to visit so this is officially my first visitor. Lol, i sound so silly. The lady that is coming over is a new friend that I made at playgroup and the kids are excited that there will be a kid coming over to play too! Wish me luck that things are fun tonight, take care and tty all later. :)

Frustrated with kids, actually won something

I haven't posted in a couple of days, I just haven't felt good, I have felt so drained! I am going to the doctor tomorrow to get one of my meds changed and am going to talk to him about a med for excessive daytime sleepiness so hopefully I'll be feeling a little better soon! Its funny, I started this blog to have an outlet, a place to talk about my illness and life but most of the time I feel so crappy that I don't want to post. I'm sitting here now rolling my eyes at myself, lol. Another reason I hadn't been posting is cuz I felt like no one was reading. I didn't necessarily start the blog to be read by others, I was doing it for myself but I guess it was kind of a lonely feeling that nobody was reading it, lol. But something cool happened today, my sis-n-law commented to me that she bookmarked my blog and has been reading, for some reason that made me feel good. Hi Karen!

I almost didn't post again tonight cuz the kids are driving me nuts (the two younger ones). Why do kids have to fight everything?!? A piece of advice - if you have a weakness then don't let your kids know about it if possible! Uugghh, my kids know that if I get stressed then I literally get physically sick and even more tired then usual and they use it against me. They will stress me out till I literally can't hardly move anymore, tell me they are so sorry and then go and do what they want. Tonight it is not wanting to go to sleep, I have been fighting them for two and a half hours, I have took them to bed, asked nicely, yelled, spanked, etc and they just keep getting up. I am at the point now that I hurt so bad and am so drained that I put them in the livingroom and turned on cartoons cuz I can't handle it anymore. At least now they are still and quiet. It makes me feel so weak and like a failure when we have these battles and basically I am the loser! Well enough on that subject.

On happier notes........ I actually won something in the One World One Heart event!! I can't believe that I actually won something, yay, I can't wait for it to get here in the mail. It is a 'bloom' banner which is cool cuz I am wanting spring to be here so bad! We have had days that felt like spring but we are still having snow too, yuck. Everyone Take Care & ttyl :)

Pay it forward

I know I've already done one post tonight but I was thinking about this and wanted to put it up when there is actually maybe reading my blog through the OWOH event. All these giveaways and beautiful blogs have made me feel so good and happy and charitable and can't wait till next year when I can join in too. So what I was thinking is that the outside world also needs our help and love. Being green isn't enough, we need to present our kindness and creativity everywhere and bring kindness back to this world instead of automatic prejudices and rudeness and I think one great way (other then a smile :) is to pay it forward which can be done in a lot of ways. For one there is freecycle groups in a lot of places now, if you haven't checked then you really should, you would be amazed at the things people give away and need, big and small. If you have an old table and chairs in your garage, you could make some family's day that doesn't have one by giving it away instead of it sitting gathering dust. Paying it forward could also be as simple as giving your smiles away. That is one thing I LOVE about our new town we just moved to, everywhere you go people smile at each other. Just that one little thing sometimes makes my day and makes me so glad we came here and are away from the gloomy town that we came from. Well as stated in my other post....I am rather tired and I think I'm rambling now so I'll go but if you have any stories of kindness that you have done or something that someone has done for you I would LOVE to hear them. Take care. :)

To tired!

I've missed my blog and writing in it even if I haven't gotten much done with it. I've just been so wore out and tired. We finally got the rest of our stuff moved from the old house this weekend, it was so exsausting. It is 3 and a half hours one way. In the last three days of moving stuff I was in a vehicle a minimum of 21 hours. Plus there was packing and loading and all that goes with moving. Its exsausting for a healthy person but for me about did me in. I tell you when I woke up this morning I wasn't sure I was completely alive. Hopefully I'll get to write more soon but I still haven't recovered and just can't do it. Laters.

Whats up?

Well hello to all of ya out in blog land. I had a busy day today and didn't seem to get much done, don't ya just love days like that? We got good news today though! Hubby has been having severe headaches for a couple months now (thats not the good news, lol) and he had a MRI done and we went for the results today and they were normal!! Such a relief. The headaches are awful but at least they aren't caused by a tumor or something! Had playgroup again today and it went good. Meeting more and more people so I'm not feeling so alone here anymore. I might actually see someone I know now going to the store or somewhere, lol. Its a weird thing I guess but when you come from a town where you know about everyone, it is really weird going out and knowing you won't run into anybody you know at all.

I think I am finally coming out of my fibro flare thank goodness, I had a ton of pain today but it was mostly normal stuff, not all the extra weird aches and stuff I've had this last week. Sorry not much interesting in this post.....but I don't think anybody is reading this anyway, lol. Night.